The NOW moments

Every day you are alive, is a gift given, that not many think of as anything other than another 24 hours on earth. But within a moment, your last breath could be your last, and then you’re really just f*cked.

Looking at Now

I try to take a moment of each day, whatever I’m doing, to step back and look outside- metaphorically- at the little bubble of life we are all living in. To watch, to analyze, to breath, to reflect, think, note changes, or routine. To just find something I’m grateful for, and exhale all the positives that run through my head then.

Appreciating Now

No matter how stressful life can get, how clumped my head thoughts fill up, my immediate surroundings buzzing louder than I can grasp; I consciously have to remind myself to breath, to take in the now, as long as possible, and slowly but surely exhale a long sigh of release.

Learning from the Now

In that moment, signifying that everything will be ok, and everything is just as it is, and will be. There’s not anything we can do to change the past, because the inevitable will happen, and you can’t change what will happen, what is happening, which is the now; you follow? Good. Clarity is key. I intend to do so, to keep my mind, locked in a state of pure bliss. If that doesn’t work, there’s always that notion of being aware of what is happening, and that is a huge step in the right direction too.

If you think about what will happen after ‘this’ or ‘that’ you will inevitably work yourself up. You forgot to run this errand, you have to let the dog out, preparing for a big test or presentation next week. As these little things add up, eventually they reach big avalanches of huge things. Huge unnecessary things. Imagine pushing or kicking them to the side of the road, instead of a road block you can’t get through. There’s always the option of going around. Making your own path!

Don’t doubt yourself if you’re feeling weary or lost or struggling. Each day is a new, to start fresh, to breath heavily, securely and clearly. Try at a clean slate, to fill with beautiful words, thoughts, and actions.

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I had never taken a name from an Interview

Forgetting my name was the least of my worries today. I caught a the case of the Monday’s on a Tuesday *awkward*

I start with the morning rise out of bed, head to the mirror and gawk, wash face, brush teeth routine. Somewhere between the tossing and turning and the denial of adult life livinug and yawning, I pick some tunes that’ll make me want to get out of bed and move my butt because I have an important interview in a bit and I gotta look wide eyed and bushy tailed, kinda tunes. Starting the day off to a good beat, trying not to make these pre-interview nerves reach surface. Looking good, feeling good, got my road coffee in me and I was good to go..

Not only do I arrive on time, enough dilly-dallying beforehand, I found myself hustling to hurry there. Feeling the jitters I see it’s also a group interview. Not your one-on-one typical. Exactly what you want when trying to make your best self shine. *Le Sigh*. To my baffling surprise, it wasn’t bad as I envisioned. Either a sign for having to deal with what life gives you, or that I’m growing out of my irrational fear of speaking my mind. Either way, it’s a win-win.

A part of the interview was giving feedback, then receiving it. Wondering what mine was? With knees buckling, I put a brave face forward. The interviewer said when she first met me, asking if my name was ‘Anne or Annie,’ which do I prefer. I didn’t have a preference and that had made her uncomfortable. Like I had to of had a preference, why didn’t I just say it..

Never having to question my name before, I mean, I definitely have but, never in that way. It took me the longest time to come into my own growing up. In the way, I never felt entirely comfortable in my own skin. Questioning if I was different and why. Why was I made that way. It didn’t help that I had an old fashioned name, just added to the pressure to be ‘normal.’ I never realized up until few years ago- although the p.o.v. of myself from myself, has definitely been a challenging alteration- that I am the way that I am, and I have to accept that. I have to embrace the me that I am, I was, and will always be. I have to celebrate me, and part of me is my name. One that defines just who I am.

Never had given thought that the mere introduction of myself could give so much insight into my personality. My being. It really took me by surprise, but in the best way. I had honestly never thought of me not caring what people call me to be an issue. But now I realize it is a semi huge one at that. I explained that I had never realized answering could’ve made someone feel odd because of my indecisiveness. I thought that not picking a definitive ‘Anne’ or “Annie(still spelled the same, although adding the ‘i’ for emphasis) gave people an option of feeling out what felt better when coming out, which name stuck to their interpretation, their representation of me.

But never has that thought correlated through my mind. That by defaulting to others’ answers, its just defaulting to their thoughts about me; whether pre-determined or not; rather than letting my name define me, but when spoken, my character just shines through and embraces my being so much, you can’t help  but think like, yes, she is definitely Anne. Sort of taking that name along side you, and coining it and making it better suit you, letting yourself define yourself.

It made me really think..

When I finally picked a preference, it was like she could see the joy that overwhelmed my face. That I had shown through. Clearly I had a preference before, so why did it take me this long to justify what I wanted exactly? Identifying with who you are, is your personal statement of not conforming to societal norms. To those who mistake your name and take away your ‘you’ness, to celebrating yourself the best way you know how. You are asserting yourself, and making yourself known. Shining bright with everything that engulfs you. Don’t let someone establish or take that entitlement away from you. Something as small as a name. Define who you are. Find your voice. Find yourself.

Upon that mini epiphany, AND receiving the news I had gotten the job; this gloomy 60 degree weather seemed to turn a little less, while my moves were upbeat and positively radiating. It’s the little things like that, that really make me appreciate the small things about life. The unexpected moments. Try appreciating the small teachings that surround you in your everyday environment, you just may not be aware of them entirely at first. And it makes me even more open to difference of opinions, and accepting criticism, taking in hate and releasing it as love; when dealing with anything in life. Makes me even more eager to learn and gain knowledge of different audiences, and points of view. And moreso, makes me more appreciative of myself, and taking myself in as a whole, being kind and loving every bit of me. Taking pride in my name.

It’s not easy to go through everyday in life with a positive outlook. Sometimes life happens and emotions get involved; but it’s the hard work, and continuous process that you learn and grow from, and that ultimately changes you in the end; resulting in an inevitable positive vibrance.

One that radiated so much so, I was inspired to take advantage of this nice weather and go running outside, even though I wasn’t feeling it this morning, can’t say I was disappointed when I say ‘something had come over me.’ Feeling the energy coursing through me as if felt I was gliding through this run. It felt good. Clear head. I was free. And thats the best possible way to be.


I’ve been attempting to find my zen lately, and although continuously working on my self-journey, trying to motivate others in the process. You can check some recent posts here:

Keep on radiating people. Its an effervescent contagion.

Case of the M-M’s..

  • Anybody ever had a case of the Mondays? You know it’s bad enough y, coming to the end fo your Sunday eveningsydy, and having that ‘ugh’ thought that tomorrow is Monday, yet again. Wakingy up the next morning, having to dig far, Fargo beneathy the surface for thatb. Gym motivation, and strength just to get out of bed(if n you haven’t already snoozed before your alarm about 57 times). Uh
  • V Well, take that feeling, and add a case of ‘that time.  By of the month’ hormones and internal discomfort on top of that. I’d say thats a recipe for a pretty sloppy, self-loathing sundae. One that’s.  By yyoy I more than likely, would deny every. single. time. if offered to me. But ythat’s just me being honest.

I can always tell when that time is coming, because of that annoying two-week time period beforehand. I never took mental notes until the more recent years of my life, when I would engage in strange behavior, have an endless appetite, and warn everyone to steer clear, for I would be like a bull in a china shop; see red and I am done for. I feel bad for anyone in your immediate circle, or anyone of significance because, you know they must love you a lot to stick around after those antics.

One thing I know for sure, is that when I’m feeling as crappy as crap can feel, and just want to be left alone, but comforted to the fullest extent and loved and cuddle as much as possible; that can’t and won’t always be the case. And just like getting up and having to adult from 9-5 every Monday, sometimes you just have to have a good emotional break-down, an intense pep-talk in the mirror, maybe even a big bowl of the most chocolatey ice cream in the world and squeeze into those now, more than likely, tighter than tight jeans that were loose last week- so now you’re contemplating the fuzziest of sweat pants, orr those stylish leggings reserved for times like this- and put your brave girl face on just long enough to brace the real world, and make it back home to wallow in your bloody misery(no pun intended).

For those desperate times, as I’m sure everyone’s situation and experience is different; as well as, methods for healing and coping and dealing with this monthly annoyance, I have a few tips, tricks, things that I do that help with my emotional disaster, so maybe they’ll help another during their time of need as well. After all, we’re blood sisters, right?

  • First things first- if you’re against drugs, you can simply move to the next bullet. Now I don’t condone the use of healers as such, but I also don’t dismiss them. Usually if the pain has suddenly occurred, or you know it’s a nightly thing(as mine is), I resort heavily towards the assistance from any over the counter medications. Anything from Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Midol, even the store brand pain relievers work too. I don’t have a problem with the drugs having caffeine in them, or the other substances that are apparently bad for your body/stomach and overall health, blah blah blah. I don’t think its bad if it’s a few times a month to cure your aching, but then again, that’s just me. Also, pain/sleep medications work wonders as well!


  • Heating pads/cooling compressions. I’m telling you, they are a GOD send. I had a few growing up and somehow they were lost in translation or just stopped working altogether; thus my acquiring of this awesome bear shaped aromatherapy bean bag, so-to-speak. It was an impulse buy- at the time thinking I’d have no use for it, just want it because fuzzy– but has surprisingly been my monthly companion for quite some time now, and even in times when I need a little warming up. I snagged this guy at Bed Bath and Beyond although not available anymore, just to give you an idea. I’m sure there are loads more like this, or less intimidating for the ill-hearted *rolls eyes*, you can look up my version or different on Amazon, although mine was purchased significantly cheaper; if taken care of it will last you quite awhile, and the aromatic smell that comes from the heating of these seeds is so pleasant and calming, definitely a must if you’re one for wanting to be put at ease. Also, if you’re alone, the aspect of the bear softness isn’t entirely too bad for a distraction or for feeling something soft.
  • TEA. Tea. Teaaaaaaa. All the way. It is my go-to, my confidant; I mean I drink it regardless if my aunt’s in town, I’m all like ‘Yo girl I know you’re all up in my business, but like, you can wait cause this tea is comin in hot and it aint gonna wait.’ Literally, I mean, besides all those health benefits drinking tea gives/does to you, it’s entirely way too soothing, in the best way. There’s a multitude of flavors out there, and promising herb mixtures, I’m sure there’s even one’s for lady pains for that time of the month. Although I’ve been sipping on some simple green tea, and a zesty herbal lemon mix, my usual go to is the Yogi Tea, this one perfect for the ladies’ cycle timing. I love their relaxing teas too, chamomile, and their bedtime one is a favorite. The hot/warm sensation as you’re drinking it, going down your throat, sort of warming your whole body, and into the stomach- as close as it can get to your pulsating organ I’d say- and eases that tension just that much more. It can even double as a heating pad if you have the urge and coordination to hold it there with or without burning your fingertips off.
  • Do a sh*tload of pampering yourself. Whether it’s doing the toes or fingers with a wash of pretty paint, getting your hair cut, a massage, having a long hot bath; anything that helps ease the self-loathing, and feeling bad about yourself for the duration of the week, even the smallest of pick-me-ups can help. Now, I don’t come from money, and with my self-ritcheous Aries ways, I’m a natural DIYer, so I opt more for the inexpensive at home tricks. One of my favorites to cure those unexpected, unpreventable, ugly little pop-ups that arise on your face on random mornings, mostly painful, are face masks. I resort to Pinterest for those two weeks prior to the main event, and occasional during, just to keep the pretty coming. It’s a nice way to see different options for different types of skin, hormonal activity, and I just get bored of the same facial routine over and over. Except for one, which is my go-to, time and time again. It’s super simple, found here. Four ingredients, all super good for your skin, and in my case, if you’re acne prone, it helps significantly to reduce inflammation, redness, my pores seem smaller after I do the mask, brighter over time, and just overall smooth. It’s a win-win, every time. Just remember, when you get the urge to pick, just mask it!
  • Work it out, twerk it out. No really.. I get the worst cramps during my time, but usually only for the first couple days, and one thing that always helps me get through it or tough it out is when I put myself through an ultra-satisfying sweat session. Whether it be at the gym, or in the comfort of my own home because I don’t exactly feel like putting real pants on; I can always rely on the help of youtube videos. Lately I’ve been on this Yoga kick, so I know there are tons of moves and positions you can try out/do, that’ll ease the tension within your abdominals. Run through it on the treadmill, walk fast paced uphill, jog if you need speed but not that much. And if all else fails, just throw some music on at home and jump around, make up moves, try some quirky squat moves, or ones that make you move your hips side-to-side, or back and forth. The movement and rotation of your midsection will feel good to break-up the tension within, and even help to burn a few calories in the process.


Hope some of this helps you, if any of them at all; and if all else fails, there is always just going the chocolate route, mapping the closest milkshake spot within a 5 mile radius, you get the gist.

Would love to know what some of your favorites are- Your go-to methods that you swear by, that work wonders, make the cramps nonexistent. Anything I haven’t mentioned, or specific things I did, but alternative routes you take, would love to hear any feedback!

Stay positive, stay vibin. Until next time 🙂

Inspired and Happy Hopeful

  • So.. I’m not entirely sure what sparked this little jolt of enthusiastic eagerness- more like a spasm- that unexpectedly had my mind racing with all these possibilities and thoughts, my fingers gravitating towards my computer, itching to to write it all out rightv then and there. I returned home from a busy night at work, preparing  o over last night’s performance, flaunting enough Vogue poses in the mirror, maybe a sad attempt at some Beyonce booty moves, but thats about it until the bathroom becomes steamy enough to jump into and wash the night away.

Tonight felt, different. As I stood there, not sure whether it was the glowing of the overhead lamps, giving me this perfection selfie-look lighting; because my hair was looking rather dashing, even after running around at work- probably soaked in a few drops of forehead perspiration- still looking rather cutie with the tails; maybe because my skin for once wasn’t flaring up, and I felt somewhat clear-faced and smooth looking, or because that contour was ON POINT, *toots own horn*, and I was just feeelin this cheeky-bronzed face at the moment, like ‘what up’ to the people; or it could’ve been that I was literally feeling myself in my silk nighttime robe, having a dance and SMILING.

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For once, I came home to the same old four walls, the same routine, the same exhausted, drained, warn-out looks given to myself in the mirror, questioning everything about my life within the time it takes to undress, and hop in the shower, and stand aimlessly as the water falls surrounding me, just going through the phases because, I simply have to; for once I looked up in the mirror, staring at myself, and I felt this instant relief. I felt happy. Oddly enough, working the same job with the same surroundings, the same people, I got in my car reminiscing the night, and, I realized I had a really good night. I laughed more than I had in the past couple weeks. I gave a sigh of relief when I came in the door, with a slight smile on my face, just taking a moment to appreciate myself in the slightest.

Now, returning to the bathroom: maybe it did have something to do with the lighting. Being able to *finally* see myself in this light, that I’ve been stood under for so long, and never realizing. Or maybe realizing, but never believing in it. I’ve spent countless nights, having this mindset, that isn’t pitty worthy, but more like, why don’t you realize the signs are right in front of you, ya dingus sort of thing. The amount of times that I’ve felt sorry for myself because I just continued to see myself as a failure, and thinking and feeling I’m incompetent, I’m incomplete. Not worthy of a lot of life’s gifts that have been thrown my way. Regrettably, and still a constant issue I face daily, I’ve wasted so much time not trusting within myself that I am worthy and capable of so much life has to offer. I have so many gifts and talents and skills to utilize and share with the world. Everything has been right in front of me, I just had to believe.

Tonight, and really, lately, something within me has been itching to get out. This little voice inside me has been whispering to me all along, and I’ve finally decided to un-mute it, and take its’ advice. This urgency for achieving greatness. This desire that I’ve been yearning for for so long, has been awakened, and this drive has been put into motion. Tonight I felt free. I felt a burden had been lifted from me that has been aching me for so long, that was necessary to, just put aside for now, and focus on me. For once, I was the center of attention. And I can honestly say I’ve never wanted that in my life before. Tonight was an eye-opener for me, in the best way possible. I felt that this little voice, where ever it has come from, has turned up the lamp that has been dimmed inside me for so long, full blast, and isn’t afraid anymore, isn’t trying to hide itself. One I thought had diminished long ago, and I was just a skeleton of what I used to be. The shining, energetic, happy, bubbly, radiating positivity every which way I went. This is the first time I have felt like myself in a really long time. And I can confidently tell you, that it feels amazing.

It’s not just a new year, its a new way of thinking. Its changing the repetitive patterns, that, once played over and over like a broken record in your head, you beginning to think that ‘this is all its ever going to be’ and accepting that that is your life. Because that’s not how anyone should live. It’s breaking free of those constricting chains that prevent you from reaching your full potential. Its changing the way you view yourself, and your body image. It’s believing you have potential, you can, and you will. It’s believing you are worth it. It’s looking yourself in the mirror everyday and telling yourself you are beautiful until you actually start to believe it. It’s shedding off all that negativity, all those unnecessary layers that kept you from shining; from showing the real you, the one that you and the rest of the world would love to see, not only from time to time, but for, the rest of time. It’s not believing in any negative words that come from others mouths, but believing you are greatness. You are worthy. And you are enough.

I lost sight of myself for a second, and until coming to the surface recently, I never realized how badly in need of air I was. I have neglected my self-worth for so long. Always thinking someone else was better at this and that than I was. Always assuming the job would go to someone else with more criteria, and experience. Always too afraid to put myself out there, and for what- because of the slight chance I would fail, and that’s it. But here and now, I realize how ridiculous that sounds, and I encourage whoever decides to read this, that you should not be living your life like that if this in any sort of way relates to you. Failure should not determine your worth, or what you can and cannot do. If you fail, great, good job; now get up, and resume trying.Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

‘Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game’ just popped into my head, and now it’s totally true and relatable. Don’t let yourself live in fear, for I fear you’ll just end up living in regret. You don’t want to surpass an opportunity, only to later realize that was something you so desired, and then its too late. I encourage all to take those chances, put yourself out there, do things that inspire you, and ignite that flame form within. Do things, everyday, that make you happy. Go after your goals. Chase them until the end of time. Try, try, try, and try again. And never stop letting yourself shine.

As I’ve gravitated from the bed to the bathroom in reflection; only to realize now, that I feel like my biggest regret in life, isn’t that I’ve failed at this or that, but because I didn’t put myself out there. I didn’t take a chance when I should’ve excelled. I’ve spent so many years in hiding its felt like, not actively trying to hide, but not actively trying to reveal myself to people, to my loved ones, to the world. Admittedly, because of a daily battle with confidence, but I feel that looking back on my life thus far, I’ve come so far form where I was. Being afraid to show my face to the world, not seizing the day, taking any opportunity at life that I possibly could.

It’s been an interesting journey, discovering myself; and still to this day, I am finding out more and more about myself, and I couldn’t be more enthralled. It’s a struggle, I admit, to remember to appreciate everyday that is given to you. To be more and more thankful than the last. To take the time to just be, rather than existing. To exude happiness from all corners of your life. And to truly believe that anything is possible. So to wrap up this sporadic rant; I just wanted to end with this: Life has its twists and turns, and ups and downs. It’s surprising moments, and its this feels like it will never end terrifying moments. Unexpected things happen, relationships grow or the stem becomes too heavy to hold any longer; job opportunities surpass you, or you get the boot from your current; beginning lives, and lives ending; whatever the situation, what matters is how you decide to deal with it. Will you let it eat away at you, and drown you in the current wave you’re riding? Or will you choose to deal with the unplanned, take the information, soak it in, learn from it, grow, rise above, continuing riding the wave, and come out stronger than before?

Anyone has the potential to do anything they set their minds to. You just have to have a little faith. With just a simple turn of programed thoughts, maybe going against the grain for once. Not just a new year new me, well, maybe a slightly shinier version of me. But a new profound hunger, a drive, with a different point of view. Feeling empowered. Feeling courageous, brave. Feeling healthy, and fit. Finally feeling in control of my life, taking over the reigns, and I decide what happens next. And you can do the same.

I felt happy enough, to share this exuberance that has risen from these dark depths and peeled off this false identity I’ve been wearing, or should say wearing me down.

It feels damn good to feel good, and I’m encouraging others to chase after that damn good feeling.

Just a little two cents from my mind thats always fluttering up there. Until next time, when maybe my fingers decide to tempt your tastebuds with some simple whipped up grub from the comfort of your own home.

All the love, and radiating positives. xx